Lost in Transition?

At the conference I mentioned in the previous entry, it was debated whether or not China was "Lost in Transition"-- heading somewhere, but not quite sure what its end goal is or which direction it will follow to get there. I couldn't help but think, or actually panic, Am I like China?! (I guess you know you are at Cambridge when you start comparing your life to the directionless domestic and foreign policies of a nation of 1.3 billion people... but that is a whole other issue.)

Sure, I know I am here to get a Masters degree, which I should hopefully get without a problem, but after this the future is blank. I consider the time here only transitional. I can't really focus on this as an end since I will be here only about 10 months. It's much more of a pitstop on my to somewhere else, but where?! All along, I have been quite reassured by the prospect of my Cambridge degree and some good work experience under my belt. I figure that something will just come along, no matter where I am. And I'm still confident that something will find me. But it still leaves all these unanswerable questions about WHERE that place will be... Japan? Europe? US?... and WHAT I would want to do in each of those places. And I find it increasingly difficult to be puttering along here with no real idea of what I want as soon as this coming summer. I keep thinking it will depend on WHERE I am, but I am beginning to wonder if the "where" is as important as the "what."

What I discovered last summer when I was so ambitious about job hunting is that whatever I planned ended up changing by the end anyway, so maybe it's just better not having any clue now and leaving that for later, after I finish my dissertation.

Deng Xiaoping once said, "I cross the stream by feeling for the stones." Perhaps it's not such a bad philosophy-- if it (kind of) worked for over 1 billion people, maybe it can work for me too.